Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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