No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
