She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
