the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
