That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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