I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
