The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize