So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
