Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm bleeding and have questions
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
