Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize