He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
