K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
