ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
