omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
