sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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