just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Everclear isn't food dammit
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize