i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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