So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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