At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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