I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
