Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
