She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
