yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
