I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
