Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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