Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
