hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
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