oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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