OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
