when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
