OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
