Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
