If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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