she woke up with a sticky ear
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
