he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
