Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
