TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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