just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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