either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
