I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
