3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize