Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
