In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
