I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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