I looked at my own cervix.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
