if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
