this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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