We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
