All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
