Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
