sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
