Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
