Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
