Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
