gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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