Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Never underestimate the power of titties
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
