No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
