he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He kissed a someone with a penis
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
