Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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