I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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