How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
