Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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