I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
