she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
