Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
