I got her a Nickelback box set.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
