so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
