so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Your penis caused this!
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