I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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