Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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