We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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