Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Is Oprah even human
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
