A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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